Monday, December 13, 2010

HAD to have a Cesarean

Ok, so this is controversial, as most things worth blogging, but I'm going for it....

This phase annoys me in many ways..."I HAD to have a Cesarean." Here is why, I'm sure almost every woman says that who has had one. Very few say 'I chose one because I didn't want to vaginal birth'. Though, there are some, few. The reasons and statistics for needing a cesarean equal at MOST 15% of birth, and with good prenatal care, equal about 5-10% of births. So, all the moms who are not in those 10-15% didn't need one.

This is why it bothers me. I feel that a birth for a mother is important. Even when a mom doesn't see the value prenatally, if she does choose to birth vaginally and has a natural vaginal birth, she can't help but feel proud. This is of course if you have a CP who supports birth correctly and not implies that it should be done in hazardous ways (laying on back, in bed during labor, IV, EFM, etc). You just did a miraculous thing, and your body has been designed to peak the levels of oxytocin in your brain so you are more proud, more in love, more consumed with those moments than you will ever be again in your life. Second, birth to a baby matters. I hear women who FINALLY see a baby born without meds and say "look how alert, I've never seen a baby so alert before" Um...yeah, they aren't doped up that what they are SUPPOSED to be like because those same peaking hormones are in baby to fall in love with you and those around at that moment. So...BIRTH MATTERS.

Me, I did have to have a Cesarean. We opted for the best, easiest, safest birth BOTH times with both our babies, and it didn't work out. While it was heartbreaking for me to not get those moments with my babies or my babies' moments with me, given the hand delt, it was safest for both and I wouldn't take it back and opt out of a CS with either of them, because I needed one.

When other moms who not only choose to use this phrase when they had other options, but ALSO KNEW....KNEW KNEW would be safer to avoid one, really, frankly, pisses me off. I feel like they cheat themselves, which yes, is their right, but also their babies, and they perpetuate the myths in the obstetric world that there is more of a need for these invasive surgeries than there truly is.

I feel that it IS low of a mom to opt for an CS because in the moment it is easier (not in the following months though, as recovery is MUCH longer, painful, risky, usually required more interventions, etc) in that moment for her. I feel that when I say that I needed a Cesarean, I'm put in that category as well. The category with moms who says 'well, the baby was measuring big', 'I couldn't before', 'I've already had one/two/three CS', 'I went past my due date', 'I went past 41/42 weeks', 'I didn't past 3/4/5/6/7/8/9 cm in 10/12/20 hrs'. Yes, I am judging, based on facts. I'm judging with the same intent as a mom who says 'I beat my kids because they don't listen'. Yes, I'm judging with the same tone as I would tell that mom, 'that's wrong'.

Now, if you fall into one of these categories, please PLEASE don't think I'm being insensitive. I fell the opposite. I'm being HIGHLY sensitive to moms in MY position, and to the babies that you chose to undergo a quite rough procedure at the very very beginning of their fragile lives. Is it a mom's choice to birth how she wants. SURE, YES, ABSOLUTELY. And by all means, birth how you want. But how about you use terms like 'I chose a Cesarean' 'I didn't wantto vaginal birth'. These are not only statements that express sensitivity to moms in my position, but they are true, and let's all start being honest and stop lying to the general public, because ever time you share your birth story that holds these false claims, you plant that seed in that mom that if she is every pregnant and in your position, she should have the same. Whether you know it or not, you, who speak of free birth choice, emotionally limit her choices.