Going again

We have Paragaurd IUD in right now. We have an appointment on the 8th to get it removed and also get our lab work back from blood drawn and our ultrasound. The Dr. says it looks like it may be Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS.) This means, of what I know, you produce more testosterone than normal, and less estrogen, and you don't usually ovulate routinely. This could be very hard getting pregnant. Let me just say, we aren't newly weds anymore if you know what I mean.

Also, it's our second child and there are those who say that "second child syndrome" can be hard on your fertility. Also, we had a Cesarean section last time and that lessens your fertility as well. I also know, that having an IUD can cause some sort of infertility, if this is due to PID, I'm in the clear, but other wise, I have some reason to worry.

We begin interviewing midwives on Monday. There is a total of 3 next week we are going to be meeting with. I want to make sure I am with someone who is going to support me the way I know I need to be supported through giving birth. We already have a back up OB, she is wonderful, very promidwife and pro homebirth. She told me to decide where I feel I would have the most success and birth there. For me, that is at home. For others, I feel if they knew the risks of hospital birth compared to home, they would choose home more, but that's every woman's choice. Sadly, a lot of women are not exposed to that information. Don't get me wrong, there is SURELY a need for hospitals and OBs and every where in between, but for a normal pregnancy, I feel a woman (and studies and countries with better death and morbidity rates agree with me) is better off with the skilled care of a midwife. NO they are not doctors, they are trained in normal pregnancy and birth and how to handle common complications and ALL have back up OBs to go to when they need more info. I want a natural birth, so I want someone there who specializes in the role I need my caregiver to be in.

Ok, so, off that rant. I worry that my husband is not going to be there for me when I need him. I know this is a pointless worry, because our relationship is nowhere as rocky as it was 2 years ago. I also know we are a lot closer to God now and that helps more than anything. Phillip is in a different place now. He's a lot less anxious about everything, and he is very supportive in where I am going with my life. All I can do is leave it up to God and he will direct my path.

If you read this, please pray.